Integra's Batty Vacation
by Metropolis Kid
Summary: By royal decree, Integra is forced to take a week off and relax. Not being permitted to stay in England during this forced vacation, the lady knight heads to the United States. But can anyone really relax in Gotham? Please, don't take too seriously.
1. Exiled

**Integra's Batty Vacation**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own any material contained within this story. All copyrighted content remains the property of the person, people, or organization that holds the copyright. This story is solely for fun.

**Chapter 1: Exiled**

**AN:** Please, don't take _too_ seriously. Thanks. ;)

* * *

Angrily she stuffed an armful of clothes into her suitcase, as a few other stacks sat there, cowarding, awaiting their turn. "It's not right!" she complained to what she thought was empty air… only to have her servant's velvety voice break into her thoughts.

'_What's not right, my master?'_

Integra turned to her left, to find Alucard stepping through the wall and entering the room.

"I don't recall giving you permission to enter my chamber, Vampire."

He grinned at her. "I'll leave if that's what you really want, but it looks like you could use someone to talk to."

"Oh, and is that your role now? To just stand there and listen to me rant?"

"My role, is to satisfy the desires of my master – whatever they may be. That includes offering a listening ear… when the situation calls for such." The vampire paused for a second as he watched Integra's shoulder's lower and her stance shift into a less tense one. "Of course, normally, I'd simply offer to find the person responsible for causing you such distress and skin them alive."

"Assuming, of course, _you_ weren't the person trying to drive me up the walls," Integra cut in.

"Master, that goes without saying. Really, how could I skin myself? Besides, it's a servant's prerogative to test his master's resolve."

Integra laughed lightly. "Testing my resolve, is that what you call it?"

"Yes, someone's got to keep you on your toes. If life's too easy, you'll lose that razor edge of yours and get all soft and compliant. And then what would I do?"

"I don't think there's much chance of my life getting too easy," the lady knight mused aloud.

"Oh? I wouldn't be so sure about that. An entire week away from England, relaxing in the lap of luxury in some fancy hotel? I just may have to step up my game when you return from this vacation."

"This is not a vacation," Integra growled. "It's a royally decreed exile!"

"Master," Alucard replied, his voice taking on the kind of tone an uncle might use when trying to assure his spirited niece that things weren't nearly as bad as she was making them out to be. "I know a little something about being exiled, and trust me, an order to take a week off and relax is hardly the same thing as an exile."

"I'm being forced to leave my duty and country. It's an exile as far as I'm concerned."

"Well, maybe if you hadn't pulled a gun on that doctor during your last psyche eval…." The vampire commented.

"He had it coming!" the knight was quick to defend. "We lose an entire unit to rogue vampires, I'm up all night writing letters to their families – letters where I can't even tell them how their loved ones died or explain just how many others their sacrifice saved – and then this wimpy, little pencil pusher with a psychology degree comes in and thinks he has a right to evaluate my emotional state?!" Alucard just kept quiet and let his master continue to vent. "And then, AND THEN he asks me how I 'feel' about the men we lost. The sniveling, little weasel got what he deserved. He should consider himself lucky that I didn't pull the trigger!"

"I could rectify that if you're having regrets, Master," Alucard offered up.

And Integra actually looked as though she was considering it for a moment. "No, no. As much as I hate to admit it, we do what we do so that fools like him can live such happily oblivious lives. Sending you off to kill him would only undermine what we work for." She sighed. "Besides, a week is not that long. And at least it'll give me some time away from you," she half joked.

"Oh? And here I was thinking I might join you on your vacation," Alucard replied mischievously. "Just think of all the trouble we could get into in another country."

"I… don't think so," Integra replied with the slightest trace of playful smugness. "No, you will stay here, and you'll be a good pet and obey your 'sitter' while I'm gone. Oh, and do be careful about 'testing' the Police Girl's 'resolve' while I'm away. She's not as… 'use to' your stunts as I am."

Alucard chuckled. "Nervous, Master? Worried that you'll return to find I've perverted your mansion into an unholy den of depravity and put in motion a new set of plans to conquer your beloved England?"

"Alucard," the lady knight warned.

And the monster chuckled again. "Don't worry, Master. I'll be good while you're away… well, good _enough_ anyway. And I'll take it easy on 'Master' Seras."

Integra's arms paused midway to her suitcase. "I'm surprised to hear you call her master?"

"Why? You've given her the task of… 'managing' me while you're away. For the next week she will be my master; what else would I call her?"

Integra shrugged her shoulders. "I guess I just expected you to be more… ah, 'resistant' to the idea of your fledgling being in charge while I'm gone."

Alucard grinned. "If you were trying to set it up as a permanent thing, I would be – _very_ resistant. She's my fledgling after all, and having her in charge of me flies in the face of all vampiric tradition. But since it's only for a week, well… Do you know what the problem is with living for centuries?" he asked. "You get bored. You've already seen most all life has to offer, and there's very little left to hold your interest. I'll never be displeased with a temporary change that helps break up the monotony of day to day life."

"Good then the two of you shouldn't have any problems while I'm away."

"Really, Master, don't you know me any better than that? Of course we'll have problems," Alucard assured as his lips pulled into a wolfish grin. "But," he then continued, his expression returning to normal, "I'll keep them to a manageable level."

And the corner of Integra's own lip curled. Her servant was an incorrigible one, wasn't he? She almost wished that she could stay, just to see what 'problems' he had planned for the poor Police Girl. Of course, by the Queen's orders Integra had to be out of England before the sun rose the next morning, and she wasn't allowed to return until it set seven days later. Besides, if she could've stayed, there was no way she'd have let someone – anyone -- else run her organization. So she would've missed out on seeing Alucard 'play' with a new master anyway.

"See that you do, Vampire," the lady knight replied as she zipped up her suitcase and headed for the bedroom door.

* * *

It was busy at the airport. Traveling business men and women rushed by, cell phones in their ears or their hands a blaze with texting and email, as they sprinted to and fro. And they said that _she_ needed to relax? Happy tourists, both from other countries and English citizens heading to other countries, stood in long lines, their clothes bright, colorful… ridiculous. Didn't they realize how idiotic they looked?

Integra sighed at the hullabaloo. And then some young, freckle-faced kid ran into her. The top popped off of the large orange soda he was carrying and spilt all over Integra's suit. And suddenly she was as 'colorful' as all the other vacationers. "Oh, ah, sorry," the boy apologized, and Integra just shook her head before walking past him.

Yes, clearly sending her out of country was the perfect way to remove her from stressful elements. The lady knight scanned the lines, picked the shortest one and headed for it. She wasn't concerned with where she was going – wherever it was it was away from her organization, her duty, her calling. So, just so long as she could get past this stage of the trip, just so long as she could remove herself from the rank and file idiots who filled the airport and get… somewhere where she could enjoy the sanctity of solitude she'd be… well, not happy, but satisfied.

And so Integra waited in the shortest line. She purchased herself a first class ticket. And then, only as she was checking the ticket to see which plane she'd be taking and at what time it departed, did the lady knight discover that she'd be spending the next week in some American city called Gotham.

Gotham? She'd never heard of it. '_Probably some small, middle of no-where town out in America's Midwest,'_ Integra thought to herself as she went and took a seat and waited for her plane to begin loading passengers.

Just over a half hour later, Integral Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing stepped foot on the plane that would take her away from the country of her birth and plunge her into a whole new world. The lady knight presented her ticket to one of the stewardesses, and was soon led to two empty seats. Integra chose the one closest to the window.

Having seen Integra to her seat, the stewardess smiled and moved onto the next passenger. And Integra was left to herself once more, which was how she liked it. The lady knight opened up a small carry-on bag and pulled out a novel she'd been working her way through in what little spare time she could find.

She didn't have long to enjoy her reading, however, as a chatty, overly nervous girl was soon seated beside her. "I-I can't believe I'm going to Gotham!" the girl suddenly exclaimed, without any external prompting. Then she looked over at Integra and seemed shocked that the other woman was so calm. "How can you just sit there reading? Don't you know what they've got in Gotham? Vampires!"

At the mention of that word Integra's concentration suddenly shifted from her book. "Pardon? Did you say that they have vampires in Gotham?"

"Yes, that's right, vampires! And not those sparkly, romance novel kinds either. No, I'm talking real night stalking, suck the blood out of you vampires! Oh, why did my company have to send me to Gotham! They'll get me for sure! Oh, why did my parents have to name me Mina of all things… and then my company sends me to Gotham to handle a merger! I'm as good as dead!"

"Um, how do you know they have vampires in Gotham?" Integra asked, doing her best to reel the other woman in and find out if she really knew anything or was just the unstable, petrified looney she appeared to be.

"How? Why I researched the city, of course. As soon as I found out that I was being sent there I did a web search for any instances of vampire sightings in the city?"

Integra cocked an eyebrow. "Ah, why?"

"Because, my name is Mina; haven't you been listening?! Why did my parents have to name me that, it's like painting a big, fat 'bite me' sign on my neck! I always knew they'd get me in the end, and now it's going to happen. I'm being sent to a city with vampires. They'll find out my name and then some ghoul with a Dracula complex will come after me and kill me!"

Integra was beginning to wonder why this woman hadn't been locked up. The existence of vampires wasn't common knowledge, most people considering them nothing more than legends. So, as bizarre as the woman's near paralyzing fear that her name would attract the attention of vampires seemed to Integra, it should've been even stranger to those who thought the creatures mere myths. Why was this woman flying off to handle business mergers instead of in a padded room, getting the help… and pills she needed?

Integra reasoned that perhaps the lady wasn't considered a threat to herself or others and thus her paranoia was seen as a harmless quirk. Maybe she wasn't even usually this bad? Maybe it was the fruits of her internet search that finally tipped the scales and sent her into looney land? Integra didn't know, and what was more, she really didn't care. The woman was an obvious nut job, and as soon as the plane leveled off Integra was going to find an excuse to switch seats.

Really, believing the results of an internet search for vampire haunts? How utterly ridiculous. Anyone could put anything they wanted on the internet. It was worse than the rag sheets. What would her organization have been like if they followed such unsubstantiated rumors? Why the internet claims could be the result of nothing more than some psycho running around in a giant bat costume – assuming they were based on anything at all.

Too bad too; the lady knight had been starting to get excited about this trip for the first time since she discovered she'd be taking it. If there was a nest of vampires to hunt and slay at least she'd have something to occupy her time. _'Should've known better,'_ Integra thought as she chided herself for getting her hopes up.

* * *

Well, that was silly, huh? Sorry, but like I said this one isn't meant to be taken seriously. Well, hope you guys and gals got a laugh or a chuckle out of it at least. Still deciding whether I'll continue this one or not.

Have a good day, and God bless.

Metropolis Kid.


	2. The Hotel

**Chapter 2: The Hotel**

**AN:** Okay, I've got the second chapter up, not sure if there'll be anymore though. I'll have to step back and evaluate this one first.

* * *

Upon arriving in Gotham, Integra was surprised to find that the city was not the small, middle of nowhere, Kansas-like town she'd expected. Instead it was a burgeoning metropolis that rivaled both New York and Chicago in terms of size, population, wealth, crime and culture. And to the vacationing, English noble this was welcome news, for it meant that she could at least find some decent lodgings during her short exile.

Not having a car and driver waiting for her for once, Integra was forced to hail a cab, a new experience for her. It wasn't exactly a pleasant experience either. The driver only spoke broken English, and Integra had trouble understanding him. Also, there was a funky smell coming from somewhere underneath the front seat, and Integra wondered what could possibly be causing such an odor, though she was quick to decide that she didn't really want to know.

The one good thing about taking a cab was that Integra didn't have to know exactly where she was going. Instead, once she'd managed to bridge the communication's gap, she simply instructed the driver to take her to the best hotel in the city. That hotel just happened to be the Gotham Arms: Hotel and Spa.

The Gotham Arms, was an unquestionably plush hotel, with standard rooms that were larger and more luxurious than most of Gotham's other hotel's 'presidential' suites. Multiple pools, a full service spa and a five star restaurant also added to the place's appeal. Of course the cost of a room was outrageous, and Integra grinned as she booked the penthouse for the next seven nights. She knew that since her vacation came as a royal decree, she could get away with charging the room to one of the Crown's expense accounts; and she figured that when the Queen became aware of just how much this trip had cost, she might just think twice before sending the Lady Hellsing on another vacation.

Once in her room, Integra unpacked her single suitcase. And then, feeling the effects of jetlag, decided to turn in early.

* * *

Her internal clock still being set to London time, Integra woke up at 5:00 AM the next morning. And being the workaholic she was, the first thing she thought of in the morning was how the Hellsing organization was getting along with her having been gone for nearly a full day. Of course she wasn't suppose to have any interaction with the organization during her vacation, but Integra, as always, had an ace in the hole.

She had managed to talk Seras into emailing a daily status report to the new Google account the lady knight had created the day before she left. After all, it was doubtful that anyone would bother checking the hotel's ISP address and comparing it to her bank charges. She wasn't a criminal, just someone who, according to the Queen, "Desperately needed some time off."

And so, Integra began setting up the small, notebook computer she'd recently purchased, purchased specifically for this trip. Once she was finished setting up said notebook, the lady knight connected to the hotel's WiFi and checked her email. She found one message waiting for her, and her lips curled coyly, for she recognized the sender's address, PoliceGirl117atHotmaildotcom*, as the one belonging to her newest, pet vampire.

Seras's report was pretty standard. It contained a short list of the possible vampire leads that were currently being tracked, a roster for the next day's troop rotation, and a copy of two signed requisition forms, one for five crates of silver bullets and the other for eleven gallons of medical blood – the vampire's supply for the following week. There was only one odd entry and that was tucked into the bottom of the email, as a P.S.

"P.S. Oh, and Master said that once every ten years you unrestrict all of his powers, for a twenty-four hour period, for testing purposes; and that tomorrow is the day you typically do this. Now, normally I'm not the type of fledgling to question her master's word; but, with all the other 'last minute' advice you gave me, I thought it was a little strange that you didn't mention this. So, I just figured I'd check with you first. Do you want me to unrestrict all of my master's powers for these testing purposes?"

Integra was quick to type up a reply:

"Do you want me to unrestrict all of my master's powers for these testing purposes?

"**NO! **

"You are only to unrestrict Alucard's powers when/if an emergency situation makes it _absolutely_ necessary – and then only to the level and for the time required to solve the current crises.

"As per the rest of your report, everything seems to be in order. Nice job, Officer Victoria. Carry on, and continue to inform me of any… 'questionable' actions or claims Alucard tries.

"In the name of God, impure souls of the living dead shall be banished into eternal damnation. Amen.

"Sir Integra."

Having finished her reply to Seras, Integra decided to go for a morning swim. She changed into the one-piece bathing suit she'd brought with her from England and grabbed a towel and her book from the room. Then the lady knight headed down to the pool room, which was a glass enclosed addition at the base of the hotel. When she arrived, she was pleased to find the place deserted, most likely due to the early hour.

It certainly wasn't do to any failing of the pool room itself, for the place was quite satisfactory, even to an English aristocrat. It had three pools: a small, ten by ten foot kiddy pool that was less than two feet deep; a larger winding pool (which more resembled a watery maze, with small, concrete islands and dead-end cul-de-sacs) with a steady water level of about three and a half feet; and a large, Olympic regulation swimming pool. There were also several water slides, the larger of which fed into the winding pool, while the smaller ones fed into the kiddy pool. And tucked into the corner of the room was a decent sized, somewhat kidney shaped Roman Spa.

Not having gone to the pool to play… or even relax, though that was what she was suppose to be doing, Integra made her way over to the Olympic regulation pool. She left her towel and book on one of the lawn chairs beside the pool and dived into the deep end. Pleased to find that the water wasn't cold, just cool enough to be refreshing, the lady knight began to swim laps in the hotel pool. She continued for the better part of two hours, until some other patrons began to arrive and she decided that it would be best to leave before the place became too crowded.

Integra got out of the pool, quickly ran her towel over her to catch the loose droplets of water. Then she sat down and laid back in the lawn chair, her towel draped over her for warmth. She read a few more pages in her book while waiting for her bathing suit to dry.

Yet, for once the lady knight found it difficult to concentrate on the book's heroine… or the forensic details. Among the new comers to the pool room was a family of four, a mother, father and two kids. And Integra found her gaze shifting to that family more than once as the kids road the water slides and played games, like hide and go seek and tag, with their parents in the maze like pool. Finally Integra just gave up and, safely concealed behind the cover of her book, she watched the family members engage in happy play.

Then, at some point, the lady knight realized that she was smiling – not grinning or smirking, but actually smiling. And with this revelation, the smile morphed into a scowl. That life wasn't for her. It was for those 'happily oblivious fools' that she spent her life protecting. Integra closed her book, got up, grabbed her towel and headed back to her room, lest she again fall victim to that traditional family's siren's spell.

Upon reaching her room, Integra found a copy of the Gotham Gazette waiting for her, just outside the door. She bent down and picked the complimentary paper up. Then, she slid her keycard into the reader and stepped inside her penthouse hotel room. She dropped her book and the free paper, the hotel had provided her with, off at the table then entered the bathroom where she changed and hung up her towel and bathing suit.

Once out of the bathroom, Integra realized that she was hungry, which wasn't really surprising, since she hadn't eaten in over twelve hours. She called up room service and ordered a dish of Eggs Florentine and a cup of Earl Grey. Then she moved over to the table, opened up the paper and began to read.

The articles were all pretty common things: scandals, company press releases, information on current court cases, exposés, and announcements of upcoming events. The lady knight skimmed through most of the articles but she did find two that captured a bit more of her attention.

One was an interview with a criminal who claimed he'd been captured by a vampire whom he'd "shot in the heart, but the monster just refused to die." Perhaps that Mina character wasn't quite as crazy as Integra had thought? But then, the reporter did make a point of stressing that the criminal's attorney was pursuing a not guilty by reason of mental defect plea and that the criminal himself was scheduled for a psychological evaluation later that day.

The other article, Integra found interesting, contained an announcement that the Gotham Museum was opening a special exhibit dedicated to Joan of Arc, whom the lady knight had always felt a certain affinity for, even if the martyred saint had been a Catholic – and an enemy of England. Several items were on loan from the Vatican, and given Integra's relationship with them, it was unlikely she'd ever get another chance to see these relics first hand. Perhaps she'd go to the opening; it wasn't like she had much else to keep her occupied.

* * *

Well I hope you enjoyed the second chapter, had a bit of a slower pace… but then most of my second chapters do. Next chapter, if there is a next chapter, Integra meets Bruce Wayne, one of Batman's more bizarre enemies tries to raid the museum and the lady knight catches her first glimpse of Gotham's resident 'vampire'.

*Sorry about the weird form of Seras's email address, but when I used the normal style, FF cut it out entirely. :(

Have a good day, and God bless.

Metropolis Kid.

To blue bear: I've already used the Joker in three of my other crossover fics. So, I think he'll sit this one out. But don't worry, I've got two other Batman villains in mind for this story, and one of them is every bit as delusional as the Clown Prince of Crime. Well, thanks for the review. :) I hope you continue to enjoy.

To Oddity: Thanks for the reviews (both the one for the first chapter and the one you left on Merc for Hire). :) I'm glad you thought I was able to write a Hellsing merc fic which "DOSENT suck!" I think Deadpool's the secret ingredient. He's such a wonderful nut, how could anything with him, possibly suck? :P And I'm pleased that you liked the first chapter of this too. Hopefully you enjoyed the second one as well.


	3. The Museum

**Chapter 3: The Museum**

**

* * *

**The museum was nice. The building itself was attractive, with high ceilings, arching doorways between exhibit rooms and marble pillars for support. And it also had a fairly impressive collection of paintings, portraits, sculptures and archeological relics. There were even a half dozen or so dinosaur skeletons in the prehistoric exhibit.

Of course, none of that was why Integra had come to the place. Most of the cultural and historic stuff she could find just as easily in a London museum. No, the lady knight was here for the Joan of Arc exhibit. So she moved quickly through the rest of the museum.

Integra was surprised by how extensive the Joan of Arc exhibit was when she reached it. There were statues displaying different armor's Joan was believed to have worn, extensive timeline's illustrating each of the French knight's battles, and a number of beautiful paintings emphasizing everything from the French martyr's strong belief in God, to her prowess on the battlefield, to her leadership abilities. But the crown jewel of the exhibit was a small piece of metal that was believed to have come from the holy woman's Fierbois sword, above which rested a replica of what computer projections from the small relic estimated the intact sword would've looked like.

This display struck Integra as truly unique. As far as she knew, no trace of this sword had been found since the French knight's capture and execution. If the Vatican was now claiming to have a piece it must have been a recent find, and Integra could only guess at how the curators of the Gotham Museum had convinced the Vatican to loan them such a recently discovered relic. Someone, somewhere must have had some serious pull.

Integra stopped to examine the display more closely and found that she wasn't the only one doing so. An exceptionally well dressed American with dark hair and blue eyes was currently bent over the glass box. Something about his position struck the lady knight as odd, and she shifted focus from the sword to the man.

Slowly, using a combination of her stealth training and the elegance she'd been bred with, the English aristocrat maneuvered herself around the case and came up behind the American. And then, looking over his shoulder, she noticed the peculiar images in the face of his watch – digitally projected moving dials and what appeared to be some kind of frequency measurer. "What are you doing?" she asked her tone somewhat accusatory -- which only made sense given the way he seemed to be trying to hide his actions.

The man paused for a moment and then stood up without any visible signs of stress. He turned and smiled. "Hello, I'm Bruce Wayne… and you are?" he replied as he extended a hand.

"Someone who would like to know what you were doing to that relic," Integra answered, stubbornly refusing to let the conversation get sidetracked with pleasantries.

The man just let out a good natured chuckle. "I see I've been found out," he responded, still not answering the lady knight's question. "But the question remains, who by? You are far too pretty to be a security guard," he continued, locking eyes with the woman.

Integra just rolled hers. Perhaps this man's prince charming routine would've worked on another woman, but Integra had grown up with Count Dracula – the original 'deadly handsome man'. And as a result she'd built up quite a tolerance to subversive flattery. Even still, she acknowledged that the man before her did have the right to know who was questioning him, but if he was going to insist upon that knowledge, she'd make sure she gave him both barrels. "I'm Sir Integral Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing."

"Hellsing?" Bruce replied, sounding as if the name was somehow familiar to him but he couldn't quite place from where.

"Yes, and now that I've answered your question, would you kindly answer mine? What were you doing with your watch?"

"Persistent, aren't you?" Bruce asked with a sly grin.

"Persistent… and losing patience," Integra replied in a haughty tone.

And then there was a crash and the sound of automatic weapons' fire filled the air. Three gunmen in ski-masks suddenly entered the room. "Alright everyone, stay where you are or things are going to get… _messy_," one of them threatened as they began to approach the Fierbois sword display.

The American blue-blood took a single step forward, and the action seemed instinctive as if his first reaction was to place himself in-between those around him and the danger that threatened them. However, he checked his advance – reason over coming instinct, perhaps? -- before moving any further. Still, his eyes darted around quickly as if scanning the room and trying to think of… something.

But while the American socialite planned, the English aristocrat acted. She leapt forward, tucked and rolled into the three armed men, tripping one in the process, and then she stood up behind them. Her reflexes where honed and razor sharp. She stretched out her hand towards the sword replica, and had it set firmly in her grasp before the criminals had the chance to turn to her. And, with a flourishing spin, the lady knight struck, her blade slicing right through the neck of one of the armed men.

She found herself a bit surprised by the fact that the sword cut through with so little resistance. Integra had rather expected the blade to become embedded in the enemy's spine, forcing her to either risk the time required to wedge it free or try to claim the fallen foe's gun. However, both alternatives were now unnecessary as she pressed her attack with lightning speed -- realizing that her sole advantage lay in the surprise of the three criminals and that if that wore off before she was finished with them, and any of them had a chance to bring their weapons to bear, she would be in a whole mess of trouble.

The lady knight dove at the third gunman as the rest of the museum's patrons screamed and ran. And when she landed, her blade found a new sheath in this second gunman's chest. Integra smirked, but then her eyes went wide as she remembered the first gunman had only been tripped. She tried to jerk her sword free, but it wouldn't budge. It was almost as if some other force was being exhorted on the blade, holding it in place.

Integra knew her time was limited and so abandoned the sword and instead reached for the rifle that hung loosely from a strap across her latest victim's neck. She brought it to bear on the remaining gunman. And just as he was rising to his feet, the lady knight loosed a torrent of bullets into his chest.

She emptied the entire clip, however, to her surprise, he failed to fall. Instead, the criminal merely laughed. "Hahahaha! Do you really think you can stop me? With such a pitiful weapon? Girl, you have _no_ idea who you're facing." And for the first time Integra noticed that the 'blood splatter' from these gunmen was not the deep red of human blood, but a dirty brown, unlike anything she'd seen before.

She had little time to process this however, for she soon felt hands locking around her ankles. And, looking down, the lady knight found that those hands belonged to arms attached to the gunman she'd just impaled with her borrowed sword. He chuckled as he stood back up, his body completely reforming in the process, pulling Integra's ankles with him until she was suspended upside-down in the air. The sword was still embedded in the 'man's' chest, though he seemed to take little notice of it.

Integra did notice it however, and she went for it. She latched onto the handle and, using her entire body as a leaver made one last attempt to wrench the thing free. And, this time, she succeeded. The replica of the ancient warrior woman's heavenly sword now once more firmly planted in Integra's hands, the lady knight growled as she swung her suspended body to the side and sliced at the wrists of the creature which held her captive. And with an audible thud, she dropped to the floor, and then the hands around her ankles dissolved like wet clay.

The lady knight scrambled to her feet and backed away from the inhuman intruders, the tip of her sword standing between them and her. The second gunman was back up now too, and they all started to move towards her, a sick, twisted grin upon their faces. "Oooh, got ourselves a feisty one, Eh?" And then Integra got another shock, for as they advanced on her, the three monsters contorted and merged into one -- the last semblance of their humanity vanishing beneath a monstrous, mound of moving mud.

"You know I only came for that sword piece, toots. But after all the trouble you've caused me, I think I'll play with you for a little bit before finishing the job," the monster cooed as thin, brown cords shot from its chest and attempted to coil around Integra.

"What, am I suppose to be scared?" the lady knight asked, regaining from the shock of the creature's transformation, as she dodged to her left and brought her sword up to sever the projectiles. "I've spent my life fighting _real_ monsters, and _you_ are nothing more than a side show freak."

This comment seemed to enrage the creature. "A freak? I'll show you who's the freak!" he spit out without even realizing that his response made no sense. And then the mound of clay lost its humanoid shape and dissolved into a large, dirty puddle on the floor. Still, it came for the lady knight.

"Let's see you cut me now," the creature taunted, a mouth momentarily forming and then dissolving back into the shapeless nothingness from which it had come.

Her back nearly against the wall now, Integra found herself desperately wishing for a phosphorous grenade to burn the puddle of mud, for she knew her sword would do little against the creature now. In its current state, trying to fight it off with a blade would be rather like trying to eat soup with a knife. Yet, the lady knight still held her ground as she searched for something she could use to level the playing field.

It was then that she noticed the lights in the ceiling and wondered if she could shock this creature into compliance. She'd have to find a way around the advancing puddle first, but she realized that it was her best shot, perhaps her only shot at defeating this disgusting… thing. The lady knight sheathed her sword in her belt and prepared herself to attempt a running jump over the advancing mud, however this proved unnecessary.

The split second before she would've begun her charge, something swooped in from the side and carried her over to the adjacent corner. Integra heard a gasp and was surprised to find that it had come from her. Then she looked over at the being whose arm was still wrapped around her and got yet another shock, for he – whoever he was – was dressed up like a giant bat!

"Oh great, another looney," Integra commented sarcastically as the puddle reformed itself once more, reclaiming its previous, humanoid shape.

"Well, well, if it isn't the Bat. The boss will give me a bonus when I bring him your cape and cowl."

The 'Bat's' mask covered most of his face, yet his eyes and mouth were still exposed. And Integra noticed that the lips of her 'rescuer's' mouth curled slyly. "I'm sure he would," the bat replied coyly. "But I'm afraid you won't be bringing him anything," he finished in a smug tone.

And suddenly there was a slight hissing sound, and small patches of ice appeared throughout the trans-morphing creature's body. "Huh? What the…" he commented as they began to spread, however he was frozen solid before he got the chance to finish his question.

Integra looked over at the man, whose arm was _still_ wrapped around her side, and wondered exactly how he'd managed to turn that creature to ice. Even if the rumors were true and this guy wasn't just a human nut in a giant bat costume – but rather a vampire nut in a giant bat costume – the ability to freeze others wasn't a part of any vampire lore that Integra was familiar with. And she prided herself on being familiar with all of it.

"Who are you?" Integra questioned.

"I'm Batman," the man replied as he turned to face the lady knight. And suddenly his arm was gone from her side and the two were engulfed in thick smoke.

Integra coughed for a moment, but the smoke didn't last long. It dissipated in a matter of seconds, and when the lady knight could see clearly once more, she found that, like the smoke, the self-proclaimed 'batman' had vanished – seemingly into thin air. Integra's eyes narrowed as she realized that a possible vampire had actually managed to elude her. But then the corner of her lip turned upwards as another thought came to her.

Maybe this imposed 'vacation' would not be as boring as she'd feared? It was only the first night and she'd already found herself a mysterious, possibly vampiric sparring partner – one who, like her pet, seemed a cut above the regular thugs who called themselves vampires. Oh how she was going to enjoy tracking this one down and figuring out all of his little secrets. Maybe she'd even come up with a few improvements for her pets? After all, the ability to freeze an enemy could come in handy.

* * *

Well, hope you enjoyed the new chapter. This is where I'm going to take stock and decide whether or not to continue this story. So, please let me know what you think of it. Thanks.

Have a good day, and God bless.

Metropolis Kid.


	4. Glimpses

**Chapter 4: Glimpses**

**AN:** Okay, I've decided to continue this. Sorry about the long delay, but I've been awfully busy lately and just haven't had the time. I do hope to get back into a regular – probably bi-weekly – updating schedule now though. Well, I guess I've kept you waiting more than long enough. So… on with the story. ;P

* * *

James turned and looked through the slit in the back of the cab. He nervously eyed the brown giant frozen in the back section of the van. It was the third time since they'd left the museum that the rookie had felt the need to check on the prisoner they were transporting.

"Relax," Bill, the driver, said. "That holding area was done up special to transport Mr. Freeze. It's liquid nitrogen cooled, and equipped with more backups and redundancies than a dog has flees. There's no way that mound of mud is going to thaw out before we reach Arkham."

"What about after we reach Arkham?" the rookie asked.

"Meh, who cares? It's not like we'll be sticking around after dropping him off. Once we reach Arkham, Clay Face here becomes the doctors' problem," the veteran replied.

He focused his eyes back on the road in front of them and then let out a snort. "Never could understand why the city thinks it's a good idea to commit our worst criminals to a mental institution. They just keep escaping and wreaking more havoc. Take the Joker: He's been in and out of Arkham more times than Hogan and his men have Stalag 13. Any other city in the country would just stick a needle in his arm and be done with it. But no, the Batman caught him again last week, and they sent him right back to Arkham. I tell you, sometimes I think the people running this city have IQs lower than their shoe sizes."

"Who's Hogan, and what's Stalag 13?" James questioned.

Bill just shook his head. Kids today…

"You think he really exists?" James asked.

Bill's brow furled. "Who? Hogan?"

"No, the Bat."

Bill chuckled. "Well, I don't know if I buy into those urban myths about him being a vampire… or some secret, pet project of the Commissioner's designed to strike fear into the hearts of criminals. Heck, I don't even know if I believe that 'the Bat' is just one person – could be a whole gang of them, some neighborhood watch group… thing that went off the deep-end. But one thing I do know is that someone iced that mountain of mud in the back. Someone caught the Joker last time he busted out and left him dangling from that overhang. And someone broke up that smuggling ring down by the docks last month. I don't claim to know what's out there… but something is. And I'm just glad it that seems to be on our side."

* * *

"No, no, no!" the tiny man in the stereotypical mob suit shouted as he overturned the card table. "I should've known getter than to trust the jog to that dirt for grains moron! Why am I surrounded gy such incompetence? And you… you were suppose to ge his look out! Why didn't you warn him when you saw Gatman enter the museum?"

"I-I'm s-sorry boss," the thug nervously stammered as he stared into the small man's cold, soulless eyes. "B-but I didn't see him enter. He must've already been in the museum before we got there… or something."

"Did you hear that, Dummy?" the midget mob boss asked casting a look back at the mild-mannered man behind him. "The Gatman must've already geen in the museum. Of course, no one would notice some wacko dressed up like a giant gat running around the place. Tell me, Dummy, does that sound right to you?"

"I-I wouldn't know, Scarface," the man - 'Dummy' apparently - meekly replied.

"Well, it don't sound right to me," the mobster said turning back to the thug he'd previously been talking to. "Sounds to me like you're making excuses. And if there's one thing I hate more than incompetent morons, it's incompetent morons who try to excuse their incompetence!" The small man raised his right arm.

"No, Boss, plea-" the thug began to plead as he saw the Tommy-gun leveled at his chest, but his voice was drowned out by the sound of gun fire.

Blood gushed out, spraying Scarface and spurting onto the wimpy looking man behind him. The former didn't even seem to notice, while the latter looked so horrified by the brutal sight that he was afraid to wipe the man's blood from his cheek. The 'Dummy' was frozen in place while the tiny mob boss turned to the rest of his men. "Tomorrow at three, while the cops are changing shifts and occupied with their roll calls and reports, we attack the museum in force… and this time none of us are making it out alive unless we have that sword fragment. Is that clear?"

No one said a thing, but all the men nodded in understanding. No one was crazy enough to countermand or argue with the tiny boss man, not even the 'Dummy' he was forced to rely on. This time, it wasn't going to be a quick snatch and grab at the museum. It was going to be a full out assault… one that could easily turn into a blood bath if the cops did get involved. When compared to the money that… 'collector' in the Big Apricot would pay for a piece of what had once been Joan's 'Heavenly Sword', the lives of thugs and museum patrons alike were inconsequential. After all, the value of a human being was a measly four dollars and fifty cents, while that inanimate sword fragment was worth millions.

* * *

Integra returned to her room feeling a strange mixture of fatigue and excitement. On the one hand she'd been caught unawares and very nearly killed, and she still hadn't completely adjusted to Gotham time (making it feel much later than it actually was). She was tired. Her clothes were stained with mud; and old, cooled sweat clung to her body, making her feel the need to take a shower.

But on the other hand, she'd found herself a new challenge, a – possibly vampiric – sparring partner, right here in Gotham. He was a dark, mysterious man, one who'd managed to take out the villain she'd been facing with a single strike and then seemingly vanish into thin air. The English knight found this intriguing. And the idea of personally hunting down a capable vampire possessing powers she was unfamiliar with was mentally stimulating. It seemed that not all American vamps were sparkly, romantic saps who could only recite poetry… regardless of what the American media seemed intent on leading outsiders to believe. _Some_ could be interesting.

Integra got out a change of clothes, took that shower she wanted and then opened up her small, portable computer. She checked her email before moving on to anything else. Any possible issues involving the Hellsing organization took priority. That was her duty; this American hunt was just for fun. And the Lady Integra had always been the kind of person who placed duty above fun.

Integra only had one unread email, a message from Seras. The lady knight clicked it open and skimmed through the dry report details. It was all standard stuff, the same stuff she'd had to contend with as head of the organization: copies of day to day operations, paperwork and a few updates to current leads they were tracking down. In short it was the same type of info the fledgling had sent her last time, and Seras seemed to be handling it all just fine. The only real point of interest was found in the last few paragraphs. Those were different… very 'different'.

"In your last reply, you said that I should inform you of 'any… 'questionable' actions or claims Alucard tries'. Well, I'm not really sure Master is behind this. BUT I know that things like this _never_ happened to me before I came to Hellsing. And I must admit, I do find this rather disturbing. So, I figure I should tell you about it… just to be safe.

"Since my last email I've been haunted by a rather strange and pervasive – every time I close my eyes and try to get a little sleep I find myself right back in it – dream. Master is Winnie the Pooh. I'm Piglet. And I think you may be Christopher Robin – though I'm not sure since 'he' doesn't seem to have that big a role in this dream and the face is always a little fuzzy. Anyway, Pooh Bear – 'Master' – and Piglet – me – are vampiric representations of our respective animals. And there's this group of tiny humans in what I can only describe as the most hellish bee hive imaginable.

"The hive is black with protruding red thorns and seemingly suspended in the air by magic… or some dark force, since it's not tethered to any tree or other object. The people inside are all screaming as streams of blood gush from their veins – usually through slits in their wrists. But for some reason they don't die. The blood just keeps spurting out and running down the sides of the interior of the bee hive, collecting into a large pool at the bottom.

"'Master Bear' seems intent on reaching this hive and draining the 'blood honey' from it, and he attempts to do this in various, ludicrous ways – including using a balloon to float up, launching himself from a medieval catapult and firing himself out of a circus canon (complete with clown paint on the barrel). And somehow, no matter how crazy the scheme, he always seems to find a way to talk 'Fledgling Piglet' into helping him out with it.

"Do you think that these are just normal nightmares I'm having… or could my master be influencing my dreams somehow? And if he is, to what purpose? Has he ever tried anything like this with you?"

Integra set back in her chair and eyed the email strangely, almost as if it might try to leap from her screen and devour her sanity as well. One of her pet vampires was clearly a very disturbed individual. And though she suspected it was Alucard, she couldn't be completely sure. She couldn't remember him ever pulling a stunt like this with her. Even still, if there was one thing Alucard was, it was creative. And something like influencing his fledgling's dreams was probably within his means, given their mental connection. But she couldn't be sure, and she said as much in her reply.

"I'm afraid I don't know if Alucard is the source of these bizarre dreams or not. I certainly wouldn't put it past him, but if this is one of his… 'games', it's a new one. For now, it's probably best that we operate under the assumption your master is to blame.

"I'd recommend that you confront him about these dreams, order him to tell you the truth and don't fall for any of his evasion tactics or attempts to side track the conversation. Persist in your questioning until you get a clear 'yes' or 'no'. If he is to blame, order him to stop immediately (you have temporary authority over him and he'll obey a direct order), and I'll deal with him appropriately when I return.

"If he isn't responsible, continue in your duties to the best of your abilities, and I'll see if we can't get you some help once I return. Also, be sure to inform me if you experience any other… 'strange phenomena'."

Integra finished the email with her customary signature and sent it off. She shook her head and sighed and then went back to her computer. She did a web search for public libraries in Gotham and found that the largest, the Wayne Library wasn't too far from her hotel. Actually it was on the same street as the museum – convenient.

Wayne? Why was that name familiar to her? Wait a minute, hadn't that been the last name of that odd, Casanova wannabe she'd been interrogating right before everything had gone straight to Loony Land? Well, that was odd. Could he be connected to any of this? It didn't seem likely. After all, what evidence was there of that? She'd met him shortly before the 'terrorists' had stormed the place. He'd been doing something weird with his watch, and there was a library with his name not far away. They were interesting coincidences, but they hardly proved anything. Still, any coincidence tended to raise Integra's suspicion, and here she had more than one.

"Something else to look into," the lady knight mused aloud before returning to her current task, scanning the website for information on the library's operating hours - 6:00 AM. The library opened at six in the morning, and she'd be there when that happened, for in the library's newspaper archives, Integra could find every story ever written about this mysterious Batman. Her great-great-grandfather had always believed that the first rule of monster hunting was: "Do your research." And she agreed with him. And there, there among the dust covered tomes, among the oak shelves and yellowing pages, this Batman's story would reveal itself to her. And perhaps – time permitting – she'd also answer the riddle of the elusive Mr. Wayne.

* * *

In a dark cave, deep beneath the foundation of an impressive mansion, a solitary figure bent over a keyboard, entering data. His soup, a rich, creamy bisque, was stone cold and the person who'd brought it to him was long gone. But the figure remained. He'd just finished typing in the last bit of data, and now he sat back and took his first sip of the chilled broth as he waited for the computer to finish its analysis.

The computer was state of the art, completely cutting edge, with more processing power than the combined servers of most government agencies. And before the man with blue eyes and dark hair could place the spoon back in his bowl, the large screen in the center flashed green as it lined up the wavelengths and identified a perfect match.

The man's eyes narrowed almost imperceptibly. There had always been legends about Joan's Fierbois sword – that it wasn't from Earth; that it had come from above; that it was a gift from God. The man wasn't so sure about the God part, but one thing was certain. The material the sword was made of was definitely of alien origin.

* * *

Well, I hope you enjoyed the new chapter. Please let me know what you thought of it. Thanks.

Have a good day, and God bless.

Metropolis Kid.

To blue bear: Never fear, Integra and Bruce/Batman will meet up again and next time they'll interact more. I'm not sure if she could defeat him or not. They've both pretty much at the pinnacle of what a pure human can achieve as far as combat potential goes. But then I'm not planning (not right now at least) on having them try to kill each other. So, I don't think it'll be an issue. Well, thanks for the review. I hope you're still enjoying this.


	5. Out of the Frying Pan

**Chapter 5: Out of the Frying Pan**

**

* * *

**Integra sighed. She'd been pouring over the library's records and archived newspapers for nearly nine hours; and though they had proven somewhat useful, she had yet to find an answer to the big question. Just what was this 'Batman'? Was he a vampire, an exceptionally skilled human… or something else entirely? Nine hours, and the lady knight still couldn't answer this.

It wasn't like those nine hours had been a complete waste though. She'd learned quite a bit about her target. If he was a human, he was well trained. A few blurry pictures showed him engaging in mid air acrobatics which, while child's play for a creature of the night, would've been extremely difficult for most humans to pull off.

Also according to the claims of various criminals, the Batman was capable of engaging upwards of five opponents in hand to hand combat without any trouble. Once again this would be no difficult task for a vampire, given their enhanced strength and speed. But if this Batman was human, the fact that he could easily take on and defeat five (or more) hardened criminals once they were aware of his presence was rather impressive, even to the experienced English knight.

There were also sketchier accounts and claims. Some said that he could dodge bullets. Other's claimed that he could vanish into thin air. More than a few even testified to having shot him, but he'd refused to die… or even bleed.

These more outlandish claims could also be explained through non supernatural means, except possibly for the dodging bullets one. Body armor could stop a bullet dead in its tracks, both keeping the one wearing it alive and even preventing loss of blood.

Invisibility could be attributed to an advanced understanding of psychology almost as easily as it could be attributed to otherworldly powers. Although the criminal's eyes could see everything in their field of vision, only a small percentage of that information would've been successfully transferred to the brain, as it was considered 'useful'. The rest would've simply been lost… or buried in the person's subconscious. So it was entirely possible that this vanishing act was nothing more than knowing how to blend into the background and hide in areas the criminal's brains wouldn't think to register.

Also, the use of different tricks – 'illusions' - could further this ability significantly. After all, magicians had been pulling disappearing acts and hiding things in plain sight for centuries with tricks like exploding powder and deliberate misdirection. Curious, was that what the Batman had done to her when he'd 'disappeared' from the museum the day before? A smoke bomb would make a superb distraction… and with the proper technology and know-how one could be fashioned into a small item, easily concealed until needed.

Yes, nearly everything Integra had discovered could indicate a resourceful, intelligent and well prepared human as easily as it could a creature of the night. So the answer to what this Batman really was remained a mystery. When it came to _who_ he was, however, well… Integra had a theory about that.

As far as she could tell, the Batman had begun operating in Gotham about three years ago. This roughly corresponded to the return of Gotham's 'favorite son' – the mysterious, evasive Mr. Wayne. Wayne's parents had been killed when he was a child, and he'd vanished soon after reaching adulthood. For more than five years the billionaire had slipped off the grid completely, only to return the same month of the very first Batman sightings. By itself, this was hardly conclusive. But there was also the matter that any time an emergency occurred at an event attended by Mr. Wayne, Batman's response time was significantly shorter. Another thing that pointed towards Wayne possibly being the Batman was the fact that, vampire or human, he seemed to 'prey' only upon criminals, and this 'avenger' mentality spoke to a tragedy in his own past – something like seeing one's parents gunned down before one's eyes. Plus, if this Batman was more man than bat, he'd need to be a man of considerable means both to afford the type of training he seemed to possess and the gadgets he'd need to employ.

And if he was a vampire… well, they didn't exactly have the reputation of being paupers either. They may not have all been aristocrats, but most of those who weren't soon found themselves in the employ of one who was. Integra had no idea what, if anything, this connection between wealth and vampirism meant, but some connection did exist. Perhaps it had something to do with the seclusion money could buy, the ability to live a life removed from the 'common man' and the need of any successful vampire to keep his condition secret? If that was the case than Wayne Manor, perched atop its own, private hill on the outskirts of Gotham would certainly offer Batman the privacy he needed for his dark rituals.

Yup, though it was still just a theory, Integra thought she had a pretty good idea who this Batman was. Even still, the identity of the Batman was not her primary concern. No, she was primarily concerned with discovering whether he was a human or a vampire, and in that regard the lady knight was no closer to finding the answer than when she'd first arrived at the library. The Hellsing heir sighed again and absently ran a finger over one of the newspaper pictures, tracing the vigilante's mask. "What are you, Mr. Wayne," she whispered softly, "Bat? Or Man?"

And then the air crackled. The ground trembled. The table shook, and several of the papers Integra had pulled slid to the floor. Integra stood once the floor was solid beneath her once more. And, disregarding the mess she was leaving behind, the English aristocrat rushed out of the library. There'd been an explosion not far away, and Integra Hellsing was not about to let such excitement pass her by without finding out what was going on.

* * *

A half dozen or so men poured in through the whole in the museum wall as two security guards rushed into the room.

"Mugsy, take care of the rent-a-cops," the tiny dictator ordered.

"Sure thing, Boss," one of his stooges replied as he brought his weapon to bear on the two security guards. Their standard issue pistols proved little match for the thug's customized submachine gun.

Meanwhile, outside the museum, anyone who'd been near an exit when the bomb went off was running for their lives, panic plain upon their faces. Through this sea of hysteria, only one person remained calm. Only one person fought her way through the crowd, moving against the current, like a salmon swimming upstream. Integra Hellsing had heard the explosion; and now that she knew where it had come from, she felt compelled to investigate further. The day before, she'd come close to dying as armed criminals broke into the museum in an attempt to secure the only known fragment of Joan of Arc's sword. Now it seemed more of the lawless lot had set their eyes on the priceless relic, and Integra was going to do all she could to insure that the 'heavenly blade' did not fall into the hands of evil men.

The lady knight made her way inside and ducked behind a pillar. She poked her head out and quickly scanned the area: no enemies in sight. She popped out and began to make her way to the Joan of Arc exhibit, using what cover was available.

Integra was not a fan of sneaking around. She preferred a more direct confrontation. But only fools rushed into battle when they didn't have to and were unsure about the strength of their enemies. And Integra was no fool. She was, most certainly, an adrenaline junkie, though she'd never admit it to herself, but that was not the same thing as a fool. So she used what cover she could find and stealthy made her way to the Joan of Arc exhibit.

When she reached the exhibit she crouched behind a low, half-wall and found that the criminals had beaten her there. There were seven of them: six thugs and one meek looking man who seemed to have a peculiar speech impediment. By the way the others gave this man a wide birth and looked to him for advice; Integra assumed the small, unimposing, almost bookish figure was their leader. In a way this assumption was both correct… and quite wrong.

The small man turned, and the English knight's eyes went wide as she saw what he was holding in his arms. It was a dummy - a wooden puppet dressed in a tiny replica of a stereotypical 1930's era mafia suit. In the dummy's left hand rested a scaled down Tommy-gun, complete with drum magazine. A large, disfiguring scar ran down the side of the mini mobster's face. And when one of the thugs spoke again, it became apparent that they were addressing this puppet as their boss.

The knight shook her head. That did it as far as she was concerned. First a mountainous mound of mud masquerading as a small band of terrorists? Then a masked vigilante who ran around in a giant bat costume? And now a ventriloquist mob boss who made his flunkies address his dummy instead of him? Clearly Americans were a deeply disturbed lot with bizarre and complex psychological issues. Good grief! No wonder America was the psychiatric capitol of the world. And this was where she'd come to escape the insanity of the Hellsing organization and relax for a week?

The wooden doll shot up the glass case containing the sword fragment. "Alright, Dummy, reach in and grag it," he then instructed.

"Yes Sir, Mr. Scarface," the ventriloquist meekly replied as he reached into the shattered case and took hold of the sword shard.

"Alright, hold it!" Integra ordered as she stepped out from behind her cover and leveled her Walther PPK, lining it up with the center of the ventriloquist's head. "Drop that relic and your guns and move over to the corner or I blow your boss's brains out," she growled.

"Lady, you must be confused," the doll replied after a short pause. "I'm the goss. Dummy's just a hired hand. Go ahead and glow his grains out… not like he's got much up there anyway."

Integra's brow furled for a moment. This guy was even more insane than she'd thought. Fortunately, this was not the lady knight's first brush with insanity; and after over a decade as Alucard's master, she knew how to deal with the mentally deranged. Almost faster than the eye could see, the Hellsing heir had repositioned her gun so that it was now aiming at the puppet's wooden forehead.

"Thanks for the tip, Sawdust for Brains," the lady knight replied. "Now, like I said before: drop that relic and your guns and move over to the corner or your boss is going to look like he lost a fight with a woodpecker."

The ventriloquist's grip on the sword fragment loosened as he prepared to comply with Integra's command… only to have the dummy in his hand rotate his small Tommy-gun and stick it into the meek looking man's gut. "You drop that, Dummy, and I drop you," the doll threatened.

"B-but, Mr. Scarface, she said she'd kill you," the man objected.

"Meh, the dame's ogiously with the good guys. She ain't gonna kill no one. She's just guffing," the doll countered.

"Wanna bet?" Integra asked, as she flicked her wrist and fired, the bullet flying from her barrel and piercing through the puppet's right wrist, severing its hand. The Walther PPK was back in its previous position before anyone else had even registered what had happened.

"Ah!" the puppet screamed. "Crazy gitch glew off my hand!"

"Mr. Scarface!"

"Shoot me, Dummy!"

"But, Mr. Sc-"

"Shoot me!" the puppet screamed as its loosely hanging legs flapped about wildly.

"Oh crap," Integra commented sardonically as she ducked back behind her half wall and gun fire ripped the air above her head.

She'd miscalculated. She'd figured that by shooting off one of the doll's hands she'd prove she had no reservations about planting a bullet in its head, which she didn't. Heck, she would've been fine with planting one in the ventriloquist's head too. The only problem was that the puppet flew off the handle at the loss of his hand, rather than capitulating as planned. And though the ventriloquist – and possibly even the thugs following him – might have been looney enough to think that a bullet in the puppets head would prevent the human holding him from pulling whatever mechanism was rigged up to that mini Tommy-gun, Integra was not nearly as delusional; and she wasn't about to trust her life to American insanity.

Great, now she had a full-blown shootout on her hands. That was just great… especially considering it was her and her one, semi-automatic pistol against more than a half dozen criminals with submachine guns. _'Yup, this was a great plan,'_ the English woman thought sarcastically.

* * *

Well, I hope you enjoyed the new chapter. Please let me know what you thought of it. Thanks.

Next chapter: more Batman, Integra gets shot and has her first look inside the bat cave, and the true nature of Joan's sword fragment is reveled… for those who haven't already guessed it.

Have a good day, and God bless.

Metropolis Kid.


	6. And Into the Oven

**Chapter 6: And Into the Oven**

**AN:** Sorry, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to push back the revelation about Joan's sword one more chapter. The rest of the stuff in here ran a little bit longer than expected.

* * *

Integra was outnumbered and out gunned. But she was far from outmatched. The lady knight was, after all, an expert marksman, a trained hunter. Her foes were nothing more than street toughs, goons, patsies; and their leader was a dummy – literally. A frontal assault may have been out of the question, but they wouldn't be expecting a flanking maneuver…. She hoped.

Though it bruised her Hellsing pride, Integra pulled back. She used the half wall she was crouched behind, both for cover and concealment, as she moved back the way she'd come. The bullets tore the air above here and continued on, shattering priceless artifacts, relics and works of art.

'_Such a waste,' _the lady knight thought as a painting depicting Joan's triumph at _les Tourelles_ was torn to shreds. A moment ago, the French Champion had stood proud, her armor shining, her hair dancing in the breeze, and a blood stained handkerchief pressed against the arrow wound she'd won in battle. Now, all that remained where colorful strips of fabric that drifted silently, slowly to the floor.

Integra felt a rage grip her, and her nose scrunched up into a scowl as she rounded the wall and sprinted down the hallway to another opening. She stopped as she reached it and poked her head around. She was angry, not stupid. Just as she thought, her enemies were still unloading on the half wall she'd been crouched behind a moment ago. The imbeciles weren't even smart enough to coordinate their fire so it over lapped. Integra permitted herself a contemptuous snort at their expense, confident that the sound of the automatic weapons fire would drown it out.

Then the lady knight leaned out from behind her cover, sighted in on the bookish looking ventriloquist's head and squeezed the trigger. However, had Integra taken the time to notice, she would've seen that the ventriloquist's shadow had been steadily growing larger; And a split second before the bullet left her barrel, there was a crash of glass from up above. Even still, Integra's aim was impeccable, and her shot would've bored a hole in the back of the man's grey head… were it not for the dark figure which descended upon him and knocked him to the floor. Instead, the shot cut into the new player's back, and caused him to wince beneath his mask.

Integra just stood there for a moment, stunned. Not only were they loonies, Americans had _the worst_ timing!

The thugs turned as they heard the single shot fired from somewhere behind them and one of them nearly wet himself as he found the mythical, inhuman legend squatting over the body of their fallen leader and his 'dummy'.

"It-it-it's-" the thug stammered in terror.

"The Bat!" the man beside him shouted as he began to fire randomly in the Batman's general direction.

His accomplices joined him, but the dark knight was able to roll away from their fire. At some point, in the midst of the roll, he'd pulled two batterings from… somewhere. And he flung them as he came up, chopping the thugs' guns the way a sous-chef would a carrot. And then, before the creeps recovered, the Batman was upon them. They were down before they even knew what hit them.

Then Bruce turned around, looking back at where the ventriloquist and Scarface laid sprawled upon the floor. And the man's blue eyes went wide as he saw a trail of blood just past them. "No," he mouthed silently, the words refusing to form as he saw that the woman had been shot through the chest. He wasn't fast enough, and he had the blood of another innocent on his hands.

Forgetting himself, Bruce rushed over to the woman, hoping that he was wrong, that she wasn't dead, that she was only wounded and there was yet a chance. But he was not so lucky. Three rounds had pierced her heart, and she had no pulse. She was gone.

"No," Bruce insisted as he found his voice once more. Not again, it couldn't happen again. It wouldn't.

There was a clatter as a vase fell from its perch; and, looking over, Bruce saw that the ventriloquist was up again, him and his puppet: Scarface. But the little man no longer had his Tommy-gun. He'd lost track of it when it had been knocked from his hand as Bruce descended from the skylight. Rather than trying to fight, the 'two' ran, forcing Bruce to choose between giving chase or staying with the dead.

Sirens sounded in the distance, and made up the man's mind for him. The cops would arrive in moments and then it would be too late. He'd catch the wannabe mobster when he tried to fence the relic, assuming the cops didn't nab the ventriloquist and his puppet while they were flying the scene.

Bruce grabbed Integra's arm and lifted her unto his shoulder. Then he shot his grapple gun up and ascended back through the skylight. _'Only one way to save her now,'_ the man thought as he ran to his car.

* * *

In the deep recesses of the large winding cave that rested under Wayne manor, Bruce dropped his guest into a pit filled with a mysterious, swirling liquid. The chamber stunk of sulfur and iron. And as Integra's body broke the film that had congealed upon the surface, the mixture festered and bubbled. It continued for the better part of a minute, Bruce watching the scene through the slits in his latex mask.

And then a figure rose from within the primordial ooze. Her wounds had regenerated fully, but her eyes burned with insanity. Sir Integral Wingates Hellsing threw her head back, and her platinum-blonde hair, now wet and dripping, whipped in the process. Then the 'Master of Monsters' let out a maniacal crackle that would've done even her homicidal 'pet' proud.

Bruce tensed up in anticipation. The Lazarus Pit had brought the woman back to life; now came the hard part… surviving the minute or two it took the recently raised to regain their sanity.

Integra's revelry suddenly ceased and her head snapped back to glare at Bruce. "You," she seethed. "You messed up my shot! Bloody Vampire," she continued with a growl and then leapt at her target.

Integra smashed into Bruce like a hammer into a nail and drove him to the ground. Her hands moved to his throat, and it took all of his strength to hold them back. "I'll squeeze your neck until your head pops like a zit!"

"Just… just calm down," Bruce strained through grit teeth. He knew that in the aftermath of a soak in the Lazarus Pits people's strength experienced a quick spike, but he hadn't been expecting this. For crying out loud, he could hear the miniature motors in his suit grinding. This woman must've been in excellent shape even before her dip.

"Y-You dare presume to order _me_?" the crazed English woman roared back and then slammed her forehead forward, right into Bruce's face. "I'm Sir. Integral. Fairbrook. Wingates. Hellsing!" she continued punctuating each word with another slam of her head. "No vampire tells me what to do."

"Good, 'cause I'm no vampire," Batman responded as he jerked his legs up and, in a remarkable athletic display, locked them around Integra's front. Then, using his body as a lever, the dark knight hoisted the lady knight off him and pulled her to the ground. He extracted a pellet from his belt and threw it down beside her. The pellet split open and released purple smog. Bruce held his breath.

The smog momentarily dazed Integra but did nothing else. Still, it was enough for Bruce to gain the upper hand… for the moment at least. Before the English woman had a chance to recover, he was atop her, desperately trying to pin her under him and hold her still. Then Integra stopped struggling for a moment, and Bruce became painfully aware of the way her hair was spread out under her and their bodies were pressed together. In short he got distracted, and Integra used this distraction to her benefit.

The English woman managed to slip one of her legs out from under the American and kneed him in his lower ribs, a 'soft spot' in his body armor. He grunted, and she laughed as she kneed him again and again. All the while, blood from Bruce's busted nose dripped down onto her face.

Bruce tried to reposition his body to trap the woman's leg again, but all he succeeded in doing was granting her the leverage she needed to roll them over. On top once more, Integra reached for the man's throat yet again, and this time he wasn't fast enough to stop her. He drove his fists into her hands, trying to break her lock on his neck, but she seemed impervious to the pain.

"And now," the crazed woman cooed as she bent her head down and lapped at the blood covering the dark knight's face, "you die." Bruce's world began to fade to black as he slipped into the oblivion of unconsciousness; but then, at the last moment, the fury in Integra's eyes drained and was replaced by confusion. "I… What am I doing?" she asked as her grip loosened. "Where am I?" she continued as she became aware of her surroundings.

"I'd be glad to answer both questions if, you'd only _get off of me_," Batman growled.

Integra cast a suspicious look down at him. She remembered him busting into the museum and ruining her shot. And she remembered being so stunned by his sudden appearance that she froze in her tracks for a moment – big mistake. She'd been shot, through the chest. Yes, that was it. She remembered the feeling of her blood, her life force draining from her. Wait, she'd died? Then… then how was she alive now? Had he… Heaven help him if he'd turned her; she'd skin him alive for that. The lady knight ran her tongue over her teeth and was relieved to find no trace of vampiric fangs.

Meanwhile, Batman's right hand went to his belt once more. He pulled out another pellet and prayed that this one would be more effective than the last as he smashed it against the hard, stone floor of the cave. He held his breath again and watched as the English woman's eyes became heavy and her head tilted downwards. She collapsed above him, and he rolled out from under her.

The smoke dissipated a few seconds later, and Bruce bent down to the woman's ear. "Only a dream. It was only a dream," he whispered in his calmest most soothing voice and hoped those hypnosis classes would come through for him again. It was always a gamble, a fifty/fifty split, when trying to hypnotize someone you didn't know. So much depended on the way the other person's brain was 'wired'.

* * *

Integra slowly came to in her bed, in her hotel room. She groaned and her hand went to her head. It hadn't hurt her so much since she was eighteen and had foolishly let her 'pet' talk her into a Bloodwine drinking contest, which she'd lost by the way. Stupid vampires. And stupid Klingons too… whatever the bloody hell they were.

Integra held her head as she sat up and looked around the room. Yup, it was her hotel room alright. But how had she gotten back there? The lady knight started to run through her day in an attempt to discover this.

She'd gone to the library and spent hours researching her target, but before she could find an answer to whether or not this 'Batman' was really a vampire, there'd been an explosion and she'd rushed out to investigate. Some ridiculous puppeteer had been trying to get his grubby, little mitts on Joan's sword fragment. She'd interfered and… and then things got a little fuzzy.

She… she killed the ventriloquist, didn't she? No, wait something stopped her, some large black mass that ruined her shot and… and got her killed? And then… and then there was a cave? And she was alive again? Or had that been a dream? No, it must've been real… well parts of it anyway. Integra wasn't so sure about the dying and coming back to life parts, but somehow she got from the museum back into her hotel room.

And that black mass that ruined her shot? The more the lady knight concentrated on it, the more defined it became. Batman! That was it; he'd ruined her shot and then… Well, she wasn't really sure what had happened then, but, whatever it was, it was that possibly vampiric, undeniably insane American's fault.

Well, that just meant he knew what had happened, and he'd tell her. She had a pretty good idea who he was and where she could find him after all. Oh yes, he had a lot of explaining to do, and she'd get him to talk, one way or the other. Integra threw the covers off and quickly got out of bed. But she didn't get far before she nearly fell over and had to brace herself against the wall. Oh yes, she'd get the truth out of that mysterious Mr. Wayne… just as soon as the room stopped spinning.

* * *

Well, I hope you enjoyed the new chapter. Please let me know what you thought of it. Thanks.

Have a good day, and God bless.

Metropolis Kid.


	7. A Meeting of the Minds

**Chapter 7: A Meeting of the Minds**

**

* * *

**The mansion was large, almost as large as hers… and far more intimidating. It was perched upon a small hill, raising it above the observer. The atmosphere was dark, as the building seemed cast in a mixture of shadows and grays and gargoyles – demonic looking creatures set in stone and marble – jutted out from the corners. And unlike her rather box shaped mansion, this one had plenty of corners for the creatures. The whole house was laid out in a twisted fashion as it coiled possessively around the land it sat upon, almost like a snake and a field mouse. Perhaps this was the result of long forgotten additions to what had originally been the manner house. Or perhaps whoever designed the structure was an egomaniac who wanted his house to reflect his own personality. Whatever the reason, the place gave off an undeniable 'you don't want to mess with me' vibe.

Integra reflected that her pet would've loved it. Heck, if Alucard had been born a few centuries later, after the castle age had passed bye, he probably would've lived in a place very similar. This similarity only served to further the lady knight's suspicions about the mysterious Mr. Wayne as she scaled the stone wall surrounding the base of the hill and made her way up to the house.

Integra approached the building, and then stopped for a moment while she considered her options. She could sneak in through a window, or she could walk right up to the front door and let Mr. Wayne know that he had a 'guest'. Hmmmm, the direct approach or subterfuge: the yin and yang of intelligence gathering. Integra chose to be direct and come from a position of strength. After all, they weren't enemies… yet, and the direct approach strengthened her bargaining position. Besides, she didn't like the fact that the house was trying to intimidate her; this would show it that Sir Integral Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing did not frighten easily.

The lady knight let out a quick, resolved snort and strode up to the front door. There was a large knocker, but Integra guessed it was more for show than function since she also spotted a doorbell off to the side. She pushed the button and then listened to the simple melody the successive chimes played in response as she waited for someone to answer her call. In the mean time, her right hand slid under the back of her shirt and wrapped around the handle of the Walther PPK that rested in her waistband.

"Yes?" a British voice asked cautiously as the door slowly opened.

Integra wasn't sure why she was surprised that it was not Bruce but an older, balding gentleman in a black and white tux which opened the door. Everything about the man screamed that he was a butler, and she should've assumed that given this night stalker's cover he'd have a butler. Yet, for some reason, she hadn't, and the sudden appearance of the thin man changed Integra's plan. She released her grip on her pistol and brought her right arm back down to her side.

"I've come to see Bruce," Integra answered.

The butler cast the lady knight assessing eyes. She was well dressed, young, pretty, and carried herself as an aristocrat. She did seem like the type Bruce would date, and it certainly wasn't unheard of for him to get wrapped up in his 'night job' and forget that he'd made other commitments. Even still, Bruce hadn't mentioned any new ladies in his life lately, not that he shared all the details of his personal life with his butler.

"I see," the butler replied guardedly, "Miss…" He paused and waited for the woman to finish his sentence herself.

"Integra Hellsing."

At this the butler's eyes widened considerably. "Hellsing?" He looked the woman over once more. "Any relation to Sir Arthur Hellsing?"

Now it was Integra's turn to be taken off guard. Did this man know her father? He did seem to be old enough. Actually, now that she thought about it, he looked about the same age as her own butler. Wait, that was right: the man was a butler, and English butler at that. Her family was well known among the English aristocracy – even if only a handful had the slightest inkling of why the Hellsings were really so favored by the Crown. This butler had probably heard of her father while in England, serving some other well to do family.

"He was my father," Integra replied matter-of-factly.

"Your father?" the butler very nearly gasped.

"Yes," Integra responded and raised an eyebrow. "Did you know him?"

"I… worked for him once. Please, come in, Miss Hellsing," the butler replied as he stepped aside.

"You worked for him?" Integra asked as she entered. "Might I inquire as to your name?"

"Alfred Pennyworth," the butler answered as he closed the door.

"Alfred Pennyworth," Integra repeated and squinted subconsciously as she tried to remember if she'd ever heard the name. If she had, she couldn't recall it. Still, her father had died when she was quite young; there were doubtless many people he'd employed and she'd never met. "You say you worked for my father," Integra continued, "Were you one of his servants?"

"In a way. Tell me, how is Sir Hellsing doing?"

He didn't know? He hadn't heard? Whoever this Alfred Pennyworth was, he must have left her father's employ a long time ago. "I… I am Sir Hellsing,"

"Oh, then Arthur…" Alfred replied.

Integra nodded. "Yes, ten years ago."

"I'm sorry for your loss, Miss. Er, Sir. He was a good man… and a capable leader. It was my privilege to serve the Crown by serving him."

"You were one of…"

"Yes, I enlisted in Her Majesty's armed forces at eighteen and served the last ten years of my life as a soldier under your father's command. I only came to the Colonies once I'd retired and had my fill of war. That was… oh, about thirty years ago. Since then I've been butler to the Wayne family, first his parents and now Bruce himself."

Alfred paused. He hesitated for a moment as if he wasn't quite sure what he should do next. "I suppose there's really only one reason the leader of Hellsing would come calling on Master Wayne," the butler finally stated. "He isn't a vampire you know."

"He dresses up like a giant bat," Integra countered.

"He has his… 'issues'. But I assure you vampirism isn't one of them. He's just as human as either of us."

Integra stared at the British butler. She scrutinized his face carefully looking for any sign of deception. She found none. "I believe you… But even if he's not a vampire, I still need to speak with him. There are 'other things' at play here."

Alfred nodded. "Please, Sir, follow me." Then he turned and began to walk away.

Integra fell into step behind him as he led her through the mansion, into a room that was either a den or some kind of office – she couldn't tell which. The room had some furniture: a desk; a small, two person couch; a few chairs; and an antique looking grandfather clock. In one of the walls a fireplace sat, and the mantel above was filled with pictures, family photos by the look of them. Integra hadn't seen much of the mansion, just a few quick glimpses as Alfred led her through it, yet the different atmosphere of this room still struck her.

The other rooms were gaudy and the few pictures in them where either expensive works of art or professionally painted photos of Bruce's ancestors. The other rooms were for show, though the lady knight had no idea who this Mr. Wayne was trying to impress with it. Businessmen? Heads of state? Women? Whoever he was hoping to impress, those rooms revealed nothing about the man behind the wealth.

But this room was different. It was subdued, almost warm in a way. And yet there was a sense of sadness to the arrangement of the photos. They were nostalgic. They spoke of better, happier days. The progression was plain to anyone who took the time to notice: two proud parents staring down at their newborn son gave way to family outings to the beach; the circus; a boy dressed in a suit like his father, smiling happily between the man and his mother; and then a funeral and the boy standing alone. This room was the only honest one in the house, the only one that reflected the person whose home Integra was standing in, and she knew it.

And then, Alfred opened up the lock and pulled on one of the waits. The old timepiece slid aside, and a whole new world opened up to them. As the two descended the crude stone steps they entered a large cavern where a powerfully built man hunched over a keyboard typing furiously as he gazed up at a ridiculously oversized center screen.

As Alfred opened his mouth to speak, Integra marveled that the man in the chair could sit so close to such a screen without it burning out his retinas.

"Master Wayne, you have a guest."

"Whoever it is, send them away. I've already lost too much time," Bruce replied without bothering to pry his eyes away from the monitor.

Alfred cleared his throat. "The guest is here."

This time the man paused momentarily in his typing, though he still refused to look away from the monitor. "Yes, Alfred, you already told me. Just send them away."

"I'm afraid you don't understand. The guest is _here_."

Finally the Gothamite turned from his computer and caught site of his Butler and their unexpected 'guest'. He groaned. "Alfred," the man drawled out in an almost desperate tone, "if you keep bringing women down here my secret identity isn't going to remain a _secret_ very long."

"Forgive me, Master Wayne, but this is a special case."

"Besides," Integra piped in, "from the color of these walls and the smell of this place, I suspect I've already been here once before."

Bruce's eyes narrowed. So she remembered; seemed his attempt at hypnosis had failed. "Being invited in once doesn't give you cause to come and go as you please," the man replied in a gravelly tone. "Not unless you're a vampire."

Integra chuckled. Either the man had a peculiar sense of humor… or he was an oblivious moron. The lady knight guessed the former, since an oblivious moron probably wouldn't have been able to crack the number of cases local folklore attributed to the Batman. "A vampire? I'm not the one running around in a giant bat costume and vanishing into puffs of smoke."

"What do you want?" Bruce asked, his voice completely absent the playful undertones he'd used during their first meeting.

Obviously the lady knight's reply had done nothing to soften the Gothamite's sour mood, so she decided to abandon the small talk and get straight to business. That was how she generally preferred to handle things anyway. "I want to know what your interest is in the fragment from Joan of Arc's Fierbois sword and how much you know about the demented Puppet Master who stole it."

Bruce grunted in displeasure. Under other circumstances he would've simply vanished into the night and left the prying woman to her own imaginations. However, that wasn't really an option this time since the lady in question was already standing in the heart of his lair. Even if he did slip away, where could he go? He needed his computer and its… 'less than legal uplink' to the various security and traffic cams in Gotham in order to discover where the Puppet Master was going to fence the sword fragment. In short, someone had finally managed to corner the dark knight.

Bruce looked over to his butler. "Her secrets are just as big as ours," Alfred informed, and Bruce reluctantly decided to give the woman the answers she sought.

"The Fierbois sword is literally a heavily blade. By which I mean that the material it was formed from fell to Earth as a meteorite, a meteorite from a planet called Krypton. This particular material – Kryptonite - is dangerous to… an ally of mine. It's one of the few things that can hurt him, and I believe that an old enemy of his is trying to acquire the fragment."

"I see. And you're trying to keep it out of his hands."

"Yes."

"And the puppet man?"

"A two bit hood with a gimmick." Bruce answered with a shrug.

"Well then, it sounds like we'll be working together on this one."

"I don't remember agreeing to that," Bruce protested. "This is my city. I'll handle it."

"Oh and you've done a marvelous job of that so far," Integra replied sarcastically.

"The only reason he got away with the sword fragment was because I had to save your life," Bruce countered. "If you hadn't of been there, the Puppet Master would already be sitting in a cell at Arkham."

"Save my life? I had everything under control until you came swooping in through the skylight and ruined my shot… and then got _me_ shot!"

"You had everything under control, really? Just like you did a couple of days ago when Clayface tried to get the sword fragment?"

"I… You… Yes, I had that completely under control too," the lady knight lied.

Alfred, realizing that the situation was degrading quickly as Bruce had apparently found the one other person in the world with an ego as large as his own, cleared his throat yet again, this time more loudly then either of the previous two times. "If I may, perhaps you two _should_ work together. It sounds like neither one of you is going to step down and let the other one handle it. So, you're just going to keep running into each other anyway. Cooperation would seem to be the most prudent course."

Both knights could see the logic in the butler's statement, yet there was still the little matter of overcoming their bruised pride. Integra folded her arms in front of her chest, but didn't say a word. Bruce couldn't bring himself to speak either. But he recognized that she'd been the one to extend the olive branch last time, so he supposed it was his turn. And so the dark knight extended his hand; and, after hesitating for a moment, the lady knight shook it.

Alfred cast his eyes upward and said a quick, silent prayer over the two knights. Having served both families he knew what they could accomplish on their own. Together they'd be practically unstoppable. They'd recover that sword fragment in no time… assuming they didn't kill each other first.

* * *

Well, I hope you enjoyed the new chapter. Please let me know what you thought of it. Thanks.

Have a good day, and God bless.

To batty: Thanks for the review. :) I'm glad you enjoyed the last chapter so much. Hopefully you had as much fun with this one.

Metropolis Kid.


	8. VACATIONS CAN BE FUN

**Chapter 8: VACATIONS **_**CAN**_** BE FUN...**

**But It's Always Nice to Come Home**

**AN:** Well the stuff to update my PC came in a little earlier than expected, so I was able to get that mostly taken care of by the weekend and make my usual updating schedule after all. :)

* * *

He was being hunted, and he knew it. He didn't even have to look back to see the dark form swooping from rooftop to rooftop. Somehow he could just sense it; he could feel its eyes burrowing through the back of his neck, peering into his black and twisted soul.

The dummy and his accomplice ran. But they'd been running for awhile now, and they were starting to get tired. They'd arrived at the agreed upon location only to find the buyers tied up and hanging upside down from lampposts, like cocooned insects caught in a spiders web. Scarface and his 'hired hand' hadn't bothered to stick around to greet the one who'd captured their buyers. They already knew who it was: no brightly colored, red and blue, friendly neighborhood Spiderman... but a fearsome Dark Knight who hid in the shadows and struck without warning. He was a predator, and they... they were his prey. And like all good prey, they knew when to run.

They were exhausted now. The wooden puppet's mouth hung open and though no breath flowed from it, one could still hear the psychotic doll panting... just as the ventriloquist was. They couldn't outrun their pursuer; they knew that now. And that meant that their only chance was to try to hide. They ducked down one alley, and then another, and another. But the shadow which pursued them drew ever closer.

And then the two ducked into another alleyway... only to be stopped dead in their tracks by what they saw. For there, standing before them with a wide, smug and intimidating grin was the 'crazy gitch' who'd blown off Scarface's hand the night before.

"No," the puppet 'gasped'. "No, it can't ge," he cried in astonishment. "I-I killed you!"

"Yes you did... and I think it's time I returned the favor," the lady knight replied as she leveled her Walther PPK.

The pair turned to run, but their exit was cut off as the one who'd been pursuing them suddenly dropped down behind them. And it was then that they realized that Gotham's master of the night had not been trying to catch them after all. He'd been herding them into a trap, like a pack of wolves chasing a deer.

The Dark Knight's eyes narrowed, and the bookish ventriloquist nearly wet himself. Little did he know that the displeased look wasn't targeted at him.

Integra rolled her own eyes at her temporary partner's ban on killing. She hadn't been in the city for very long, but she could still tell that crime was like a malignant cancer in Gotham. The wise surgeon would cut it out so that the healing process could begin. Even still, she also recognized that she was a 'guest' of the city, and so she subjected her own philosophy to that of her host's.

The pistol angled slightly to the right. And then a shot pierced the night air, and the wooden doll's head flew off its body and rolled around in the gutter.

"Scarface?" the ventriloquist called in shock, forgetting to wrap his bleeding hand. "NOOOOOO!" he cried as he fell to his knees and wept for a moment. "No, I-I can still save him," the obviously delusional man stated as he rose and rushed towards the puppet's head... only to have Batman karate chop his neck and knock him out.

Once the criminal was unconscious. Gotham's guardian pulled a spool of gauss from one of the compartments in his belt and set about field dressing the man's wound. "You didn't have to shoot him," the Dark Knight stated in an obviously displeased tone.

"He's lucky he got off so easily," Integra replied coolly. "I'm a firm believer in what the Bible says: 'An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.' If we'd been in England he'd be the one with a whole in his head, not the doll."

"Speaking of which," Integra continued as she bent down to fish inside said doll's jacket. "We'd better be getting this back to the museum," she finished as she extracted a thin, sharp and slightly curved piece of green, lightly glowing metal.

* * *

It was late night - or early morning, depending on how one looked at it - when Integra returned to her hotel. And she was feeling rather tired as she entered her room, but it was a good kind of tired. It was the kind of tired that was accompanied by a feeling of accomplishment, the kind of tired she was accustomed to but hadn't experienced since she'd been sent on her royal imposed exile three days earlier.

The Lady knight let out a satisfied sigh. Her vacation wasn't really so bad, and Gotham wasn't nearly as boring as she'd been expecting. Perhaps she'd even entangle herself in a few more of the local boy's cases while she was there. The last one - despite getting shot up and covered in mud - had been rather fun. Besides, she could just picture the look on the 'Bat's' face when she showed up at his next crime scene. Integra smiled a devilish smile as she thought about that.

But then she wiped the smile from her face. Such things were considerations for another time. Even on vacation, Integral Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing still had her sense of duty. And now, now that the holy artifact was safe once more, it was time to check in and see how things were going back home.

Integra booted up her laptop, and logged into her internet email account. Seras's last update was already there waiting for her. Things were still going fine on the business and paper work end, and the lady knight was a little relieved to find that the more sane of her two vampires wasn't losing her marbles after all.

Seras had confronted Alucard about the disturbing dreams; and, under direct orders, he'd confessed to being the culprit behind them. At which point Seras had given him strict orders to stay out of her head from there on. Seras said that her master had objected to such a restriction being placed upon their 'bond', but Integra new he'd obey the order regardless... at least until she came home and relieved Seras of her temporary command over the monster.

Integra briefly wondered what punishment she should administer to Alucard upon her return, as she'd told Seras she would, but then the lady knight decided against punishing the vampire herself. She was on vacation. Seras was the one in charge. Dealing with Alucard was the fledgling's responsibility... for now. She should come up with the punishment on her own, and Integra told her as much in her follow up email.

Then, having learned a tiny bit about enjoying one's time off and delegating authority, Integra put the issue of her pet's games with his temporary 'master' out of her mind and got ready for a peaceful night's rest.

* * *

The rest of Integra's vacation had been... interesting to say the least. During her last three nights in Gotham she'd discovered that monstrous mounds of mud and split personality ventriloquists were only the tip of the iceberg. Every night in Gotham was a new adventure, bringing with it a new flavor of insanity - sometimes two or three. Looking back on it, the Mad Hatter - who'd tried to dress her up in a puffy, blur gown and take her to 'Wonderland' - and the Music Meister - whose hypnotic singing cast a spell of control over all who listened to it - were probably the weirdest of the 'rogues gallery' she'd had the chance to meet... though Bane was definitely the most dangerous.

One thing was for sure though. Gotham certainly wasn't boring. Maybe she'd go back some day? Yes, someday... when the Queen saw fit to impose another 'vacation' on her.

Integra's car was coming up the drive way now, Walter driving. They reached the front of the mansion, and the butler dutifully got out. He opened the door for the Lady Hellsing and then collected her bags from the trunk.

Not caring to wait for Walter to get the house door as well, the lady knight opened it herself. She inhaled deeply, the familiar scent of home tickling her olfactory senses. The knight's lip curled slightly. Her vacation hadn't been nearly as bad as she'd thought it would be, but it was still nice to be back home.

It seemed that everything was just the way she'd left it too. The country and her organization hadn't fallen completely apart during her absence. Integra wasn't quite sure how she felt about that. On the one hand it was nice to know she had people she could count on. On the other hand their ability to seemingly get along fine without her made her feel a little less important, a little less critical.

This feeling didn't last long however, as before Walter even had a chance to catch up, Alucard ran in and wrapped his arms around his returning master. He lifted her right off the ground in an undignified, uncharacteristic bear hug.

The monster nearly crushed the knight into him as he momentarily forgot about the difference in their physical strength. "Integra, my master, it's so good to see you," Alucard called out while the woman in his arms gasped for breath. What had gotten into him?

"Air!" Integra finally managed to choke out. Her pet let down immediately and apologized for his outburst. "Alucard, what's wrong with you?" was the lady knight's only response.

"The Police Girl's gone _completely_ insane," Alucard answered.

Integra's face bore a very concerned look. Someone _really_ had to be off their rocker for Alucard to call them insane. "Alucard, what have you done?"

"Me?" he asked, sounding mildly offended. "I've done nothing... well, nothing lately. Three days ago, the girl you left in charge just went bat-shit crazy. She found this..."

The remainder of Alucard's comment was abruptly cut off as Seras suddenly entered the room, a one-eyed puppet sitting on her left, shadowy arm. "Master, where are you? Pip wants to play tiddlywinks again, and... Oh, Sir Integra, I-I didn't know you were back already," the fledgling informed with an embarrassed blush as she maneuvered the doll behind her back.

Integra arched an eyebrow. "Officer Victoria, what's going on here?"

"I... Well... You see... Um, you remember how you told me I should come up with my own punishment for that little dream trick Master pulled? Well, I went on a walk to clear my head and help me think of a good one, and I saw this guy throwing out a one-eyed puppet with long, red hair and... Well I thought of Pip when I saw it, so I asked if I could have it instead. And then, after he gave it to me, I started thinking about how master had tried to make me think I was crazy and decided that the best punishment would be to beat him at his own game. So when I came back..."

"Wait a minute!" Alucard suddenly burst in, advancing slowly on his fledgling. "You mean you were faking it this whole time? The games? The wood oil massage? All that arguing with yourself? That ridiculous 'mission' to hunt down every last termite in London? That mandatory meeting on sexual harassment you made all the guys attend because 'Pip' was singing dirty songs again? You mean that was all a ruse to punish me for a few odd dreams?"

"Now, Master, you have to admit that sexual harassment meeting was still long overdue, and..." Seras was cut off before she could get another word out.

"You little minx," Alucard called out, sounding torn between anger and approval. He was still advancing on Seras, and she was subconsciously retreating now to maintain their distance.

"Now, Master, wait a minute. S-Sir Integra told me to..."

"Oh no, you're not getting off that easily. You were my master, and you had your fun. But now, now, Police Girl, the tables are turned... and I'll have mine!"

Seras eeped and began to run, Alucard following behind her, laughing manically.

Integra merely chuckled and shook her head. She knew her pet wouldn't really hurt his fledgling, though she wasn't positive that _Seras_ knew that. Oh well, regardless of whatever games her pets decided to play, it was good to be home... and back in charge of her organization. The universe's balance had been restored, and once more everything was as it should be.

* * *

Well, I hope you enjoyed the last chapter and got a kick out of Integra's return home. Please let me know what you thought of it. Thanks.

Have a good day, and God bless.

Metropolis Kid.

To blue bear: Yeah, it would be pretty interesting to see Walter and Alfred meet up. Hmmmm, maybe in some future story, I'll have that. Anyway, thanks for the review. :) Glad to know you're still enjoying this.


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